Too Late to Love
by BeckyStar-Queenofthelab
Summary: From episode 25 of Death Note the 'footrub scene'. Light and L begin to realise their feelings for eachother and try to comfort one another, but it goes horribly wrong and ends up in heartache. !ON HIATUS!
1. Silence: Part 1

I was soaked through, stupid Ryuzaki. But as he entered the room I felt nothing but sorrow and a strange sense of lust. He was soaked through too and all I could see, as I tried not to look at him and concentrate on drying myself off, was his unbelievably enticing, fragile body screaming out for me.

"Well that was certainly an unpleasant outing." I tried oh so hard not to look up at the beautiful young man, but failed. I got a glimpse of his face this time, but I couldn't read it too well. His gorgeous black orbs were so empty. Perhaps a small drop of guilt... no, maybe it was anguish, like someone had just smashed his heart into tiny pieces. My heart crashed too.

All I could reply to that mildly playful remark was, "It's your own fault I mean what did you expect?" _I love you. Say it. One of us, please say it. _"You're right. I'm sorry." Playful yet slightly...remorseful? _Don't apologise. I hate to hear you like that. _The hole in my chest grew larger because I knew that today would be his last day. As the Kira inside me laughed uncontrollably, I died more and more each second.

I caught Ryuzaki's face again. He looked so adorable, with a towel draped on his head. I wanted to take him in my arms there and then. His face seemed as though he wanted it too. _I love you, Ryuzaki. L._

I continued to pat myself dry, hearing Ryuzaki's footsteps coming closer. _Kiss me. _Again I tried to resist looking at him and, again, I failed. My breath caught in my dry throat, as a wave of shock flew through me. "What are you doing?" I questioned the man who was now crouched down at my feet, towel in one hand, my foot in the other. He had a slightly childish look on him. What_ was _he _doing? _Who cares what he was doing? All I could think about was how much I wanted him right there. _I love you._

Kira was scared that it was another of Ryuzaki's tricks, but I adored it. _More, _my heart and head screamed. Passion and lust were pulsing through my veins and my whole body went numb. Ryuzaki looked up at me, serious now... yet still determined. "I thought I might help you out. You were busy wiping yourself off anyway." _Please Ryuzaki. I love you._My heart pounded more, stopping every now and then to take a rest. I couldn't feel my entire body. I was so numb. _Please Ryuzaki._

"L-look i-it's fine. You don't have to do that." _Goddamn Kira _Kira was saying this, not me. I wanted it..no, I needed it. _Please. _My heart was on fire. _Say it. _"I can give you a massage as well?" Actually it was more a statement than a question. "It's the least I can do to atone for my sins. I'm actually pretty good at this." The flames went out, doused by sorrow and regret. I didn't want the one true love of my life to be murdered by this insane maniac inside of me.

I managed to push Kira to the side. Now it was my turn to talk. "Fine do what you want." I tried ever so hard to act cool but I think that what I said gave me away. I looked away from the beautiful man, practically begging at my feet. "Alright." Was all he said, determination still radiating from his perfect features.

I felt the gentle hand rub against my foot, lust once again consuming me. I jerked back, letting out a slight moan. _Damn reflexes. _"Hey!" I tried to make it just look like I was surprised by the feeling. _Please Ryuzaki. _"You'll get used to it." _Mmmm. Was that a promise?. _I sighed and looked down at him to read him yet again. But his perfect face was staring down, past my foot and through the floor. His beautiful hair glistened as the rain drops slid over it.

A few drops fell from his hair and onto my foot. All I could do was stare at him for I was paralysed with my yearning for him. Eventually I managed to pick up my towel and wipe the water from his luscious locks. I fought the urge to grab his face and draw him into a long and passionate kiss. "Here. You're still soaked." _Snap! Too much passion in my voice! _I tried to cool off. Ryuzaki, his eyes glazed over, filling with tears, glanced at me then quickly turned his gaze back to my foot. "I'm Sorry." _Ryuzaki, don't say that. I love you._

He continued to gently rub my foot, as I also began to cry. _Crud! Don't cry! _His face was so mournful, I wanted to break him from the distress that consumed him. His touch was so good. For a while I drowned out everything else out around me, apart from that sensation. Just the feel of his touch. The last time. _No! _Again I began to weep. "It'll be lonely won't it?" Ryuzaki's angelic voice asking me this strange question pulled me from my world, scarring me, for I knew what he was talking about. I let out a small grunt. All he did was look at me, his piercing orbs hidden behind his luscious hair, yet they still penetrated straight through my soul. "You and I will be parting ways soon." _No! NO! I HATE YOU KIRA. Please, no! Anyone but Ryuzaki._

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**A/N Well there's the first chapter! 3 Hope you like it so far. Hah, looking back at this I cringe at how bad it is. Makes me slightly ill to think about it heh. Anyway... yup. Not much I can say about this apart from that it's so totally OOC and that makes me hate it more :3**


	2. Silence: Part 2

I didn't seem to care at all about the fact that Light and I were both drenched. In fact, I rather enjoyed it. All I could see in front of me was Light's wet, see-through top clinging to his unbelievably enticing skin.

_I'm sure he wants it too, wants me. But maybe that's just my wishful thinking._ I shuddered, not from the chill, but from the heat of my lust for him. I couldn't control it. I needed him.

I tried to look, and sound, as calm and collected as possible. "Well that was certainly an unpleasant outing." _Smooth(!) Very, very smooth(!) Very well done to you L. Now you sound like an absolute and complete prat._ I sighed slightly and hoped that Light hadn't noticed. _But that of course isn't my greatest problem right now. I'm going to die. And the one that I love dearly is going to kill me._ My heart died as I thought this. I thought I saw Light look at me out of the corner of his eye, just to take a peek at me, so I tried to make my face as blank as possible. But Light was a clever man so I think my attempts failed.

"It's your own fault I mean what did you expect?" This comment pulled me out of the deep black hole that consumed my entire body, soul, heart and mind. His beautiful voice was too much to bear. I had to have him. _I love you. Seriously it isn't that hard to say. Come on! Be a man!_ Again I sighed slightly. I decided to take the playful approach and hoped that he would be able to figure it out by himself.

"You're right. I'm sorry." Remorse took over my attempts at playful and, yet again, I failed to convince the brilliant, gorgeous, auburn man sitting in front of me. Again I remembered that this angel was going to kill me that day and, again, I died and tried to hide myself in the deep hole that replaced my heart. _Don't do it Light. Fight Kira. Fight him. Please. For me._

Light glanced back at me again and his luscious hair glistened in the light, rainbows reflecting off of the rain droplets. His eyes penetrated straight through me and I became weak at the knees. I knew what I had to do. I needed to convince him somehow. _Just tell him you love him you imbecile._

I made my way towards him, choking as I struggled to breath, his very presence causing the lump in my throat to grow larger. I bent down at his feet and picked up his soft, wet foot in one hand and a towel in the other.

I heard Light let out a gasp, whether it was in delight or in fear I did not know, nor did I care. This is what I was going to do. _His reaction is all I want to see. Then I'll stop… when the phone call comes. Please let that phone call never arrive. _"What are you doing?" His voice shocked me. I really wasn't paying much attention at all to anything really. Just to the fact that I was surely going to die soon and it was going to be my beloved that was going to murder me.

_Is this the reaction I'm looking for? No. That's not it. I'll press on!_ I tried to chose my words carefully. "I thought I might help you out. You were busy wiping yourself off anyway."_ Good one(!)_ Words did not matter though. I was here with Light. So close, able to touch him. _Able to kiss him._ I considered the percentages of Light actually wanting what I wanted. The odds really didn't look very good.

I tried to even my breathing and, again, I failed completely, of course! "L-look i-it's fine. You don't have to do that." _Are you toying with me Light? Or do you really not want me?_ I considered what to say. Bargaining with him seemed the best option, with the possibility of a positive reaction being about 89.3%. I decided to take the other 10.7% and laugh in its face. "I can give you a massage as well?" I grinned inside. _If you know what I mean…_ "It's the least I can do to atone for my sins. I'm actually pretty good at this." _I didn't lie. _It's true…I didn't…not really.

"Fine do what you want." That was the reaction that I was looking for, very much. I decided to do exactly as I pleased. _I'm not letting you get away Light._ Light averted his gaze and I prepared to give him a massage that he would never forget. "Alright." I said, still determined. I started gently rubbing his foot and as I did he jerked back slightly and let out one sweet moan. I was excited by this unbelievably excellent reaction and I tried to calm myself down a bit. That was easy. I just thought of the fact that this perfect person was going to kill me so very soon. Depression fell on me again.

"You'll get used to it." I barely managed to speak, I was so saddened that I wouldn't be able to see Light's perfect face for much longer. Suddenly I felt something soft brush against my hair. It was Light with a towel. "Here. You're still soaked." I embraced the feeling of him brushing my hair and replayed it in my head many times. "I'm Sorry." Was all that I could say. The silence swept through the room. _Such an unwelcome guest._

I couldn't shift the depression from my soul. "It'll be lonely won't it?" I found myself saying, completely unaware that I was actually talking. I looked up at Light's face for one final time, taking in all of his perfect features. His gorgeous hair, his shining eyes, his breathtaking, symmetrical face, his toned, golden body. Tears started to well up in my eyes. "You and I will be parting ways soon."

_I loved you since before I met you. I love you now. And no matter what, even if you're Kira (which I know you are), I will never, ever, stop loving you._

_

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**A/N Second chapter yaaaaaay~ L has such strange moodswings it scares the bejabers outta me! Seriously he's like a pms'ing teenage girly who's bitching about life! My descriptions rule... Anyways enjoy!~**


	3. Sins: Part 1

Distress and depression swept through me. _Reach out for him Light you fool. I love you, Ryuzaki._ All I could do was stare at him. Such a lovely sight. His hair, his eyes, everything about him was pure and untainted. As his phone rang and he stood, slowly, gracefully, all my eyes could do was follow his silhouette. _What's that phone call about? Stupid phone. I could have…no I still can. I will. I'll tell him. After the call._

"Yes?" Was all Ryuzaki said, as he picked up the phone. His voice was full of concern. He continued to speak, his angelic voice breaking with anguish. "I understand. I'm on my way." _What? Now? Crap. Better act quickly. _As I had only heard one side of the conversation, I had little idea of what it was actually about. As I awaited his instructions, I contemplated the reaction that I would receive from him if I spoke those forbidden words. _No I can't. No matter how much I love him, I can never tell him. But he's going to die today. What if he hates me? I can't._

"Come on. Let's go Light. It seems like it's all worked out." His voice was so washed out, even more emotionless than usual. _He knows. Oh God he knows. He knows that today's the day that I… _I tried to ignore the countless emotions welling up inside of me. But their potency was too strong. My stomach cramped and I felt ill. I couldn't stand; my knees were weak with anticipation. But I still found myself rising from the step, I was surprised I didn't collapse. "Ryuzaki!" I shouted his name without even realising it. _Oh Shit. Here it comes._

He slowly turned to look at me. His bangs covering his eyes at first. But as he turned I could see he was…crying! _What? No. Why is he…? I've never seen him cry before. Earlier he had tears in his eyes but I could see that he was trying to hide it. So why…? _It was such a sad sight to look at, but also kind of cute. My heart ached even more, every second that I looked at him, tears streaming down his face. And still I couldn't bring myself to look away from him. I slowly stepped forward as I spoke, "Why are you crying?" _Is he crying because he knows? Was that person on the phone ringing to tell Ryuzaki that someone close to him had passed away? No. That can't be it. He didn't cry when Ukita died. Dad told me. So why?_

"Because, Light, today I'm going to die." He paused, out of breath. _So that's why he's crying. _I tried to find something to say, to fill the awkward silence, but Ryuzaki continued, "and it's you that will kill me." After he spoke those words, he collapsed onto the floor. He started crying so much that I thought that he was going to die right there and then. I walked over to him and crouched down in front of him. He was curled into a ball, head in hands, sitting on his feet like he always did. Another trait of his that I loved. He slowly raised his head and looked directly into my eyes. Those beautiful black orbs that showed no real emotion until now, were piercing and mesmerising. _I can't do this anymore._

I grabbed him quickly, without anymore hesitation. I held on so tight, so he could not escape from me. I thought that I was going to break his fragile body, I was holding on so tight. He didn't struggle, and I thought that perhaps he did like me after all. His crying stopped in an instant and my heart fluttered around in my chest, butterflies filled my stomach. _He's stopped crying. That's good. _I held him tighter in my arms and refused to let go. I lowered my head and took a deep but silent breath from his shoulder. His hair smelled of strawberries. _I hope he doesn't realise that I just did that. _As I sat there, wondering if he really did like me, I got distracted and loosened my grip. He somehow managed to push himself backwards and out of my arms. _Wow he's stronger than I thought he was. Ah but the fights that we had… _I didn't want to think about the bad times, so I cleared my head and returned my focus to Ryuzaki.

I tried to grab onto him again but he just pushed me away and turned his head. _Is it really that unbearable to look at me? _"Ryuzaki." I said, tears forming in my eyes and worry flashing across my face. He turned his head back to look at me and a beautiful smile graced his lips. Such a gorgeous smile. The first time I've seen him smile properly. But that's when it happened. The most important moment of my life. That's when Ryuzaki kissed me.

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**A/N KISSU 3 Om nom nom moment for me there, excuse me while I go and get a tissue... Mwahaha, you have to read on for a description of the KISSU~**


	4. Sins: Part 2

"Ryuzaki," that golden voice came from behind me, filled with so much passion, but also so much worry. _So he does…like me? Okay. Now for the final test. _I slowly turned my head to look at the godlike man standing behind me, tears filling my eyes. _Let's see how you react to this, Light. _I thought that perhaps this was a bit extreme, but as I saw the shock on his face and his eyes widen I couldn't help but giggle slightly inside. _This is really rather amusing. Okay. Now to put the icing on the cake._

The tears were now streaming down my face and everything was so blurred, all I could see was him. He took a few small steps forward and I could see him shaking. "Why are you crying?" _He does love me. I know that he does. Just hear that concern in his voice. _I tried to put some emotion back into my voice. I found it difficult as this was all so amusing to me. I contemplated what to say next. It had to be something filled with despair. "Because, Light, today I'm going to die." I paused to add effect and raise the tension of the moment. I could see that Light was struggling for something to say and that amused me even more. _This should do it._ "And it is you that will kill me." After speaking those words I collapsed on the floor and began to weep even more than I have ever done, more than when my parents died. Most of it was acting but I have to admit that some of it was real. I really didn't want to die, and I certainly didn't want Light to kill me. _Light. _I could hear him walking over to me. That sound. It was so heavenly.

He crouched in front of me and I could feel the warmth that I longed for radiating from his body. That warmth was so comforting. He suddenly grabbed me and held me tight, close to his chest. So close that I could feel his heart pounding, and as it did my heart pounded to his beat. Our hearts, in sync, as one. The warmth that I had longed for, craved for such a long time was now all mine. The tears ceased to fall from my eyes and a smile that I could not get rid of spread across my face. As he took in a breath from my shoulder I closed my eyes and embraced the feeling. I also began planning my next move. _Soon. Just one more thing before I say it._

I pushed him away and turned my head so that he could not see me laughing. Again, he tried to grab me but I resisted. _Light, a little clingy aren't we? _I giggled again but tried to keep it inside of me. This was just too amusing. "Ryuzaki." The worry in his voice was so adorable, and I couldn't resist but to look at him. I turned again, slowly, unable to wipe the smile from my face. _I'm done playing games. _Before he could get another word in and without wasting any more precious time I forced my lips against his.

At first he didn't let me kiss him, perhaps because of the shock. But after some time he relaxed and I could feel his back give way slightly and he arched beneath me. His arms wrapped lovingly around my chest and he clung to the back of my shirt, unwilling to let go. I decided to deepen the kiss and he allowed my tongue into his mouth. I searched around and tasted it. It was sweet, sweeter than anything I have ever tasted before. His tongue eventually met with mine and they danced with joy inside his mouth. A swell of ecstasy surged through my entire body and I couldn't control myself anymore. The kiss lasted for what seemed like forever, and I begged that it would never end. But as I slowly pulled away from the kiss I couldn't breath. My heart was racing irrationally in my chest and my eyes were blurred. Light was still slightly arched beneath me and a gorgeous pink blush graced his cheeks. His eyes were wide but misted with passion, and you could see that he was in a completely different world. A small breath escaped him and tickled my nose. A feeling that I will truly never forget, even after death.

His arms were still wrapped around me and they still clung to my shirt but his grip was loosened, possibly because he was so weak with lust. "R-Ryu-zaki?" His breath tickled my face and it smelled so sweet. I chuckled slightly; I just couldn't keep it in anymore. _I'm 100% certain that he loves me now. One of us has got to say it. _I let out another small chuckle and held him close to me. He gasped slightly, confused by my sudden need for him. I just smiled and closed my eyes. I gave him a soft kiss upon his neck and pulled myself close to his ear. "Light… I…" I paused, unable to get the sentence out without bursting out laughing. "I…" I just couldn't bring myself to say it. It was just too amusing. "Light… I win."

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**A/N I love how this one ends... L is such an ass hehe :3 At the time I wrote this, I thought the kiss scene was the best thing I had ever written in my whole ENTIRE life. I don't anymore though... hmm... Anyway, hope you enjoyed it... ONWARDS! -Poses with arm outstretched and finger pointing proudly-**


	5. Satan Vs Saint: Part 1

The shocking feeling of his lips was too much to bear at first; I felt shocks racing from his lips straight to my heart and making it beat faster and faster. My reflexes were telling me to push him away, but I wouldn't listen to them now. Not after all I went through, all of that torture in my head just to get this. The feeling was too great for me to handle and my body began to act on its own. My back arched and Ryuzaki was bent over me slightly, holding me oh so gently, lovingly.

After some time the swells of ecstasy took over my body and everything became a passionate blur of black and white. My arms wrapped around Ryuzaki's waist and clung tightly to the back of his shirt. I was afraid that I was going to tear his shirt off. _Later, Light. Control yourself. _I allowed his tongue into my mouth. That feeling in my mouth as he searched around was sensational. Again the passion surged through me and I felt unable to control myself. I wanted him. _I need you now Ryuzaki. I can't wait any longer. Kiss me more. _His tongue met with mine and they danced with great joy. _This feeling is driving me insane. I need you now Ryuzaki. L. _The kiss lasted at least 2 minutes, but I wished, with all my soul, or at least what was left of it, that the kiss would never end.

Ryuzaki slowly pulled away but I could not see him, my eyes were so blurred. I could feel the heat that radiated from my face and I knew that I was blushing but I couldn't care less. Ryuzaki had just kissed me that's what I was thinking about most. _Kiss me again Ryuzaki. I need you now, more than ever. _My breathing was short and abnormal, shock making it irregular. My heart thundered out of beat, so loud. The sound was oh so deafening, and my heart just wouldn't calm down.

I replayed the moment over and over again in my mind and through my hazy vision I saw Ryuzaki smirking. I let out a small breath, trying to get my breathing right again, but to no avail. I realised that my arms were still wrapped around his waist, but I still couldn't control them. Not like I wanted to, I wanted to hold onto him forever. "R-Ryu-zaki?" I didn't even know that I was talking it was completely subconscious. _What am I going to say? What do I do? I don't know my mind is so clouded right now. _Ryuzaki chuckled again, and suddenly but gently, he pulled me to his surprisingly warm body. I couldn't help but gasp in shock. I wanted him, but it was a big surprise to me that he wanted me too. _I'm confused. He loves me, I'm quite sure of that now. But why? Why do I feel so empty inside. So depressed._

Ryuzaki placed his soft lips against my neck and my heart fluttered again. _Just after I got it beating properly again, he goes and does something like that. He has that effect on you Light, you should know that by now. _He pulled himself to my ear and the soft breath that passed through his perfect lips swept across me and sent chills throughout my entire body, right down my spine to my heart, through my soul. "Light… I…" _My god. Is he going to say it? Please. Say it Ryuzaki. Say "I love you." Please. _"I…" _Ryuzaki! _"Light…I win."

I blinked and reality came crashing back to me. Swirling in a whirlpool of bright colours that blinded me, paralysed me. Anger started to bubble deep in my stomach and Kira began to try to fight his way out of me, out of the cage that I put him in. I almost let him out, almost let him strangle Ryuzaki right where he knelt. I pushed myself away and scowled slightly at him, before turning my head away from his grinning face. _So what? He did that for fun? As a game? What a bastard. How dare he toy with my emotions! _I stood slowly with my back to him and began to walk away, distorting my face, trying to hold back the tears. "Come on Ryuzaki. We better go." I spoke this with such bitterness and so much poison. I began to hate myself for ever thinking that he would fall for a schizophrenic such as myself.

"Wait, Light." That voice still penetrated right through me. I still yearned to hear more of it, but I was livid at him and couldn't control my actions as my emotions were driving me insane. I turned quickly on my heels and stared at him, right in his emotionless face. I spat through my teeth slightly and still tried to choke back my tears. "What?!" I found myself shouting at him. "Why Ryuzaki? So you can play more of your silly games with me? Well I don't want to play Ryuzaki." "Light…" I continued to shout at him, unable to stop myself, my blood boiling, my heart beating faster and tears slowly falling from my eyes.

"WHAT? What is it you want Ryuzaki? Tell me!" He was silent and still. No emotion on his face. "I hate you!" A tear fell straight from my face and went crashing to the ground. My vision blurred again and through the cloudy tear I though I saw him flinch, but I could not tell. "I hate you so much! You played me!" _No. _"I thought that maybe… But you're such a shithead!" _But this isn't what I wanted to say. _"WHY DON'T YOU JUST DIE!" This certainly got a reaction, from both of us. I shouted the last word so loud that it echoed around the whole room. I suddenly realised what I had said and a moment of shock passed through me. I looked down at my feet and tried to collect my emotions and lock Kira back in his cage. I was angry but at the same time all I wanted to do was love him, and have him love me. _Why? Why am I so confused?_

I slowly looked up and saw his face. It was covered in shock and I could see his eyes beginning to well up. Unable to look at his despairing face I turned around and began walking toward the door. "No!" Ryuzaki shouted, his voice shaking. I stopped dead in my path, tears falling softly from my face. I was so absorbed in my own confused, muddled thoughts that I did not hear the approaching footsteps and before I knew it his arms were wrapped around my waist and he was burying his head in my shoulder.

"Don't go Light. Please, stay. For just a while." I gritted my teeth again and prepared myself to shout at him. I turned my head and saw his desperate face. My heart sank and I didn't know what to think anymore. "Before I… Die." He whispered that last word and his voice broke as I saw him try to choke back his tears. I closed my eyes and my teeth were still clenched together. I still couldn't stop my now pouring tears of loneliness. But as soon as I felt that beautiful feeling of Ryuzaki's soft, smooth hands making their way up the inside of my shirt, all of my troubles all of that doubt, confusion and hate seemed to float away and I finally felt at peace. "!… Ryuzaki! Ahh!" Passion, ecstasy, lust all of these feelings began to control my every thought. "Light… I…"

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**A/N Light's a bit hormonal I think... you know! His mood swings scare me more than L's do! Eugh. Throughout my chapters Light and L change a hell of alot... which is why I hate it and why it's on hiatus... yup. Well, not just that reason. ANYWAY ON TO THE NEXT CHAPTER~**


	6. Satan Vs Saint: Part 2

Light pushed himself away from me and he twisted his face before turning his head away. He rose, his back towards me. The heat of his body now turned into an icy, sharp, cold emptiness. My face fell as I realised what I had done. _Oh shit! Why did I do that? Oh god, this has all gone wrong. _"Come on Ryuzaki. We better go." The tone of his voice sent a wave of despair through me and my face went blank again. I stood slowly, contemplating what to say next. _I know what I can say._

"Wait, Light." I practically whispered this but it still echoed and you could hear the desperation in my voice. He stopped dead in his path and turned quickly on his heels, staring straight at me, glaring, his eyes small and his mouth clenched. He was turning slightly red because he was crying, but at the same time he tried to hide it from me, perhaps even from himself. I kept my face free of any emotion; I didn't want to make the situation any worse than it already was.

"What?!" He shouted at me, completely enthralled by his growing rage. "Why Ryuzaki? So you can play more of your silly games with me? Well I don't want to play Ryuzaki." "Light…" _Let me speak Light…It's important. I need to tell you. _Tears began to fall more frequently from his eyes as I stood still, completely motionless and I struggled to find the right words. I knew what to say but I needed to find the right way to say it. I needed to find the right time to say it.

"WHAT? What is it you want Ryuzaki? Tell me!" _You! That's all I ever wanted in my entire life. Oh Light. Please, listen! _"I hate you!" This hit me hard. My heart smashed and a silent tear fell from my eye. I felt faint and tripped slightly but was able to keep my composure. I stood tall again and blanked my face. _But I thought…that you liked me. _"I hate you so much! You played me!" _No! _"I thought that maybe… But you're such a shithead!" _You thought? So you do still like me? This is all just him letting his anger out. It's understandable I suppose._

I was still and silent, still waiting for my chance to talk to him and calm him down but then he shouted at the top of his lungs, "WHY DON'T YOU JUST DIE?" Shock. Fear. Depression. These are the main emotions that I felt as the last word of that sentence echoed off of every wall in my mind. I quickly looked down, my heart was a wreck. _Surely he didn't mean to say that. No! This is driving me insane. I really can't take this anymore. _I looked up again only to see Light staring angrily at his feet. Tears began to well in my eyes and I couldn't erase the look of shock on my face. He slowly rose his head, tears dropping to the floor, crashing loudly. He took one, short look at me before once again turning his back on me.

He took a step forwards and I subconsciously screamed "NO!" My voice was shaking and tears began tumbling from my cheeks. Real ones, harsh ones, painful ones. He suddenly stopped, but he didn't turn to face me. I thought quickly about what I should say next. _This is it L. This is your chance. _And without making any sound I quickly moved myself behind Light and wrapped my arms around his waist. He flinched slightly. I buried my head in his shoulder and took in a deep breath of that gorgeous scent. Another of Light's features that I will always remember even after I die._Die. Death. Me. _Before Light could protest or struggle I began talking about what I really needed to say. "Don't go Light. Please, stay. For just a while." _Death. _Depression consumed every fibre of my body, turning my soul into a bottomless pit of black despair. I felt Light tense and as he turned his head to look at me, I prepared for the worst. But he didn't shout at me, he didn't say a word, he didn't even make a sound. He merely stared at me, a mostly blank expression on his face. _Death. _"Before I… Die." I whispered to him, unable to talk because of the dry feeling in my throat. He was now crying uncontrollably but still softly. _Light. I want to take away your pain. I want to hold you. I want to kiss you. I want to touch you. I want to love you._

Suddenly my already overwhelming need for him became too much for me to handle, and my lust and desire began to bubble in my veins. _I can't take this anymore! _I began to feel my way up the inside of his shirt. All the way up his smooth, toned perfect body. "!..Ryuzaki! Ahh!" Light's sweet moans only made me crazier for him. My thoughts were becoming irrational. "Light…I…" I felt his heart beating through my hand. It was a great sensation; his heart now felt like it was finally mine to keep. Light tensed again and distorted his face. He opened his mouth to shout at me, but I interrupted him. "No… Light. Not that. You know…" I couldn't bring myself to say it again. Not because I was laughing so much, no, because I was so breathless with his just being there. I couldn't think straight let alone talk without tripping over my words. "I… Love you," I whispered into his ear. Shocked, I quickly opened my eyes to see his reaction. Butterflies were fluttering wildly in my stomach I felt slightly nauseous. His face was bright red, and his breathing even more irrational than it originally was. "R-Ryu-zaki…" Light managed to speak my name. So much passion filled his voice.

He turned his body fully and we embraced, holding each other so tightly. His arms were around my waist. One of my arms was around his shoulder, clinging tightly to his back, the other was cradling him, hand in his soft hair. We held each other for a few minutes, our hearts now beating in time, but with no true rhythm. Finally our hearts were one, connected after such a long time of waiting and wondering. I pulled back slightly so that my mouth was right next to his ear. "I love you," I whispered again, passion filling those three sacred words that I now knew meant everything. "I love you," I whispered a third time, this time pulling myself back a bit more so that we were now face to face

Every time I said those words it was like a new fire was burning passionately in my chest. Light's face was full of passion and clouded with lust. I looked at him, right into his gorgeous golden eyes. I couldn't help but smile as I pulled him in for another deep, long, passionate kiss. He let my tongue enter his mouth instantly this time and, again, they danced, swapping from mouth to mouth, entwining. I softly nibbled his lip and he moaned into my mouth, sending ecstasy throughout my body. _I can't take this anymore Light. I want to be with you. _I chuckled again, this time at my irrational thoughts. _Light. Why do you make me feel this way? Do I make you feel this way too?_

We slowly, softly fell to the floor, still kissing each other. I cradled him in my arms to soften the fall but Light didn't seem to be dazed by the slight pain. We stopped for air, panting, our breath melding together, now also one with each other. "R-Ryu-zaki… I…" He spoke panting heavily and moaning slightly as he said my name. I smiled slightly unable to resist the wanting looks he was giving me. I still couldn't believe that this was happening. A part of me didn't want to believe that this was happening. But it was. I gave him a quick peck on the lips. I continued kissing his neck as my hand slowly made its way down his body.

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**A/N HOLY SHI- Is that steam I see radiating from my laptop screen? Why yes... yes it is! -Pervertedness overload-**


	7. Sensational: Part 1

"I love you," he said to me a third time, this shocked me to the point that I was out of control of any rational thoughts that I may have been having at the time. He pulled his face slightly further back and my mouth twinged hungrily, longing for his soft lips to collide with mine again. Our eyes connected as we gazed at each other. I could see the longing running deep in his eyes, and I finally felt at ease, knowing that this was not only what I wanted, but what he wanted too. His eyes suddenly filled with a passionate fire, and a smile graced his face as my prayers were answered and he kissed me again.

My mouth parted immediately waiting for his tongue to claim my mouth once more. It wasn't long before this did happen and our tongues danced. It felt so good and tasted so sweet that I began to long for it more and more. He nibbled my bottom lip slightly, whether on purpose or by complete accident I will never know and, again, I lost control of every fibre of my body and I was unable to stop the inevitable moan escaping from my lips. _Ryuzaki. How do you make me do these things? Why do you make me feel this way? Do I make you feel this way too?_

Shortly after thinking this we softly fell to the floor, continuing to kiss each other. Ryuzaki was cradling me in his arms, so close, so tight yet so sweet. I winced ever so slightly at the pain but I didn't care, as I didn't want to break from the kiss of the man now on top of me. I realised what had just happened. _On top of me. Oh my god this is actually happening! Ryuzaki!_

Ryuzaki pulled away from me and I whimpered ever so quietly. "R-Ryu-zaki…" I found myself saying, panting heavily and moaning as I mentioned his name. _Just his name alone sends me into a fit ecstasy. "Haha! Oh Light, you poor boy, look at you! Listen to yourself! You are begging for it from him! You! Kira! From him! Your one true enemy!" Shut up Kira, I couldn't care less right now. This is what I want. "Okay. But don't blame your heartache on me later." _At this moment I didn't quite understand, nor did I care about what Kira was saying.

Ryuzaki continued to kiss my neck, sending shocks down my spine and throughout my entire body. His hand was caressing my chest and it soon made it's way underneath my shirt, stroking my stomach. This, along with Ryuzaki sucking on a sensitive spot on my neck, which he had somehow found and made the most of, caused my breath to hitch considerably and a large moan escaped my lips. _He can do this to me, just by touching me. _His hand searched my body some more, making me even more needy for his soft touch. I buried my hands in his silky, yet knotty, hair. I couldn't stop clenching and unclenching my fists, it was like they wanted to grab him and force him closer to me, but at the same time they didn't want to hurt him.

Before I knew it, my top was on the floor and so was his. I looked up at the half naked, glistening man sitting upright on top of me. My eyes trailed up his pale, delicious skin, up his thin stomach, past his bony chest, right up to his bright pink face. You could tell that he was embarrassed by his thin, pale body, which I admired. I thought that it was beautiful, unlike anything I had ever seen before. It glistened somewhat in the little light that entered the room. "Gorgeous," was all I heard myself say. Obviously completely unaware that I was moving my mouth. _Stupid, irrational thoughts should stay in my head. _In an instant Ryuzaki smiled and once again pressed his lips against mine. As we kissed all I could think about was how much I truly, deeply loved him.

His chest was firmly pressed against mine, as was his stomach. That feeling, just that feeling, of skin on skin was driving me wild. I began to moan more frequently and Ryuzaki replied by moaning and kissing harder. Our bodies became so close that the friction between us began to warm our bodies. We began to move and our hips touched momentarily. Unable to control my actions, my back immediately arched and my hips bucked, grinding our hips together more, until I couldn't live without that feeling. We both moaned into each other's mouths, sending the ecstasy higher until it finally reached bursting point. This was quite obvious because I could see the twisted look on Ryuzaki's face, yearning to feel more, but trying to contain himself.

Ryuzaki grinded into me more and the tightness of my pants grew. I could feel him through his jeans too. I moaned again and I began to feel very light headed ad the room around me began to spin and swirl, mixing every colour together in a blur of passion. I heard Ryuzaki growl as he once again grinded into me, our members growing harder. He broke the kiss and I cried silently, wanting him to kiss me more. As he began to lick my body from my neck, down my torso, directly to the top of my trousers, however, the thought of his lips being anywhere but where they were right not, was completely insignificant.

His tongue made its way back up my body, tracing small circles on my skin and leaving tiny glistening marks on me. "Light…" Ryuzaki said whilst continuing to leave his mark on my body. I didn't reply because I didn't really know what to say and I didn't have the strength to conduct a sentence. "I am… Inexperienced in these circumstances. But I do have some knowledge about pleasure. I have been informed that touching here," as he said this he cupped me. I immediately groaned with great pleasure, feeling my cheeks grow warmer, seeing tears blur my eyes, hearing my heart hammering in my ears. "Mmm. Yes. It seems that I was informed correctly. Light… when you moan, I feel things that I have never felt before. And to be perfectly honest with you, it's driving me insane. This is what people call love?" Again I couldn't reply because throughout that speech he was rubbing me softly. I couldn't help but groan and mewl at the continuous shots of pleasure that coursed through me.

"I like this feeling," Ryuzaki said with a smirk on his face. He lowered his face to mine. My yes were still blurry, but I could see him as clear as crystal, radiating through the colourful darkness. "More," he moaned. "I want to feel it more." With that he smirked again and kissed me with great force as he began to unzip my trousers.

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**A/N -Pants aggressively- Lemoooooooooooons yehhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Not the best kind of lemons 'cause I'm not into the majour hard stuff to be honest. More lemons in the next chapter I promise, because it gets more into it. If you know what I mean! -winks suggestively-**

**Actually, considering how much I've been bitching about it for EVER, I kinda like this chapter... :3**

**Btw toplessness=sexy... Oh yeeeeeeh**


	8. Sensational: Part 2

To be perfectly honest with you all, I was extremely embarrassed to show my inferior body to the man that I loved, especially since his body was so perfectly toned and a gorgeous auburn colour, that sparkled slightly, even in the dark room. Light's eyes trailed up my disgusting body, hesitating slightly on my chest, before finally they locked onto my now burning face. He took in a deep breath before he spoke. "Gorgeous." His voice was breathy yet it was still somehow very deep and penetrating, just hearing it made me smile.

I couldn't wait to kiss him again so I quickly placed my tingling lips on his, once again claiming his mouth, and everything in it, as mine. As we kissed, our bodies connected, sparking an even greater heat between us. Oh, how I longed for the closeness of our souls to last forever and for us to never feel the ice-cold loneliness again. That feeling of us being so near, finally physically connected (on the outside), made me yearn for us to connect more and I tried to push myself closer to him.

As I pressed my chest onto him, I couldn't help but also press every other part of my body towards him, practically collapsing on top of him. Our pelvises touched, merely momentarily, and as they did Light's back arched and his hips bucked, pressing himself towards me more and more, as if he wanted all of me. I couldn't blame him. For some reason there was something inside of me telling me that I needed all of him too. A strange feeling I'd never really felt before, coursing through me. _Light. I need you. But – I can't. When I die, it'll only hurt you more._

I couldn't help myself. My biological urges took over every scrap of rationality I had left and my mind became clouded as I once again grinded into him. My face began to burn red as I realised that the both of us were obviously aroused by each other as I felt him through his trousers. We both were now moaning quite frequently, our arousals growing, making the next time that I pressed into him even more pleasurable, and I couldn't resist the growl that bubbled deep in my throat. _This feeling…_

I suddenly freed my mouth from him, having better places for it to be. As I did so I heard Light whimper and I laughed slightly inside. _Don't worry Light. I'm not going anywhere… yet. _I began to lick his entire body, starting from his neck, kissing his nape and teasing his Adams apple. I then moved on to his chest, kissing every part of him. I went down to his torso, delving my tongue into his navel. I took in all of his, surprisingly fresh, flavour until I eventually stopped at the top of his trousers. I paused there for a while, contemplating what I should do next. I'd never done this before with a woman, let alone with another man. I'd never had the opportunity. Thinking rationally isn't easy when the man you love is panting below you, practically begging to be taken by you right there and then.

After a while I proceeded to work my tongue back up his, other words failing to come into my head at the moment, sexy body. I began to trace small circles on him and he wriggled slightly beneath me. _This feeling… _"Light," I began, continuing to kiss his torso and suck on a sensitive part I'd found on him. "I am…" _I have to tell him… I've never done this before. Where are my rational thoughts when I need them most? _"…inexperienced in these circumstances," I continued. Understatement of the century. "But I do have some knowledge about pleasure. _Unfortunately from the many books I have read. Most of which have stumbled upon completely accidentally._

As I was pondering what to say next I kissed his body again and again, unable to control myself for much longer. "I have been informed that touching here," I touched his already surprisingly hard member and he groaned, his face distorting, all of that sending shocks of bliss through me. I could hear Light's heart pounding loudly, even from an upright position, it was as if it was invading my ears, making sure it was the only thing I heard. "Mmm. Yes. It seems that I was informed correctly." Time to let out my innermost feelings. "Light… when you moan, I feel things I have never felt before. And to be honest with you, it's driving me insane."

The truth came spewing from me. I guess you could say it was as if all of the excitement and thrill was causing my irrational thoughts to explode from my now pounding, aching head. "This is what people call love?" I continued to rub him tenderly between his legs, and he continued to moan pleasantly. This made me lose my control and rationality one last time. I knew this because I realised that they were never coming back, not until this act had finished.

"I like this feeling," I said, smirking, which caused Light to look at me with a slightly confused yet still lustful expression. I proceeded to lower my face to his, until the only thing keeping me from falling to the ground was his body. "More. I want to feel it more." I grinned again, finally getting wanted for a while. How long has it been now? It feels like forever since I first met him. At first I guess I just viewed him as a smug, arrogant bastard that enjoyed killing. I suppose I still do, even if it is just a bit. But after a while of getting to know him I became more and more infatuated with him, wanting to see him smile, wanting to make him laugh, wanting him to enlighten me with his innermost thoughts, even if they were about the Kira case. I loved him, I really did. His intelligence rivalled mine and that made me all the more interested in him. _I guess I can't help but love you. _As I thought this to myself I lowered my face to his, lightly brushing my lips against his and I began to unzip his pants.

Light once again arched his back and bucked his hips, as if he wanted me to hasten, to release him from his cage sooner. I complied and quickly tore off the fabric, not caring if I ripped them at all. My left hand began to search his body, roaming around, touching everywhere it could. I couldn't get enough of him, I wanted so much more. I wanted to take him, finally be able to love him openly instead of secretively like I've been doing up until now. My hands continued to roam his godlike body, engraving every part of it into my mind. "Ryuzaki." Light panted my name. It was incomprehensive, I barely recognised it as my name. My name seemed so foreign, so alien to me when he spoke it.

I took his boxers off without so much as a glance at them and, as I roughly pressed my lips to his, craving to taste him again, I softly rubbed his organ. Light moaned into my mouth and closed his eyes, tears beginning to form in the corners of them. I wondered why he was crying, was it because he was so happy with me or was it because he knew that today would be my last. Did he know he was going to kill me? Did Kira know? Is Kira a separate identity? Light wrapped his arms tightly around my head and buried his hands in my hair, pulling me closer, unwilling to let me go. I began to stroke him more frequently and with greater force and he began to groan and growl more wildly.

"Ryuzaki…I –ah- need-" Light paused to take a deep breath, as he had been breathing irregularly for the past few minutes. "More –ngh- more of you." Light finished his sentence, which was surprising in itself. I couldn't understand how he could construct a sentence in his head, let alone actually speak it. Yet I understood what he meant and I fumbled to take off my jeans. After a while of trying to unbutton myself, I somehow managed to remove both my jeans and my underwear in one swift motion. _Only the great L would be able to do something like that. _I became cocky at the thought of this and couldn't help but snicker slightly.

I then replaced my right hand with my left and began to stroke him again. As I did this I moved my now wet right hand to the other side of his quivering body, tracing small circles around the tight opening. "Ryu –I- now. Do it. P-please. I can't –ah." _Pleading? Light, what happened to your shell? Was it all an act? Was it Kira? _"Okay." I replied and, claiming his mouth again, knowing that what I was about to do would pain him slightly, I slowly inserted my index finger into his tight entrance.

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**A/N -Throws up- and this is why I hate writing this. Not just because of the horrid OOC but also because of the fact that IT MAKES ME SICK! Just writing it makes me feel dirty! Which is strange. I can read this stuff but I can't write it?! What's wrong with me?! I could write it if it was about Junjo but not L and Light? Do I have a problem or something? Anyway... Hope you enjoy the crummy writing, have fun.**

**This story is now on hiatus until further notice. It's not because I don't know where it's going because I do, but because I'm busy and I hate writing this so... NO NEW CHAPTER FOR YOU. YOU GO NOW! Meh...**


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